did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
