basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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