Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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