I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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