STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
