Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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