we're blogging at a bar
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
