He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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