turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
