If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
