Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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