I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
