I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
