I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
