it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
