I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
