i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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