im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize