Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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