I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
