Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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