Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
