i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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