yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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