12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
