you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
