I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize