I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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