Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize