why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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