a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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