You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize