Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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