jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
