Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
