Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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