We're facebook friends in real life
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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