so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
