I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
