Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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