she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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