I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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