I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
