I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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