The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
