Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
