If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
