Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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