Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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