my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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