I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
