Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
