He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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