I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
