that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
