the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
