you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
