What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
