Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize