You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
