Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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