things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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