Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
