Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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