my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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